I met a young woman who is a new grad student at the same school where I am a new grad student. We are both from the south but moved to California. AND WE LIVE ON THE SAME STREET! We were so excited that we found a buddy to commute with that could reminisce about southern culture etc.

I expect that people have a hard time coping with so called misfortune, usually known as trials and tribulations in the average pulpit sermon. I expect that people have to work through tough issues of loss, grief, or pain.

But how do I cope with good fortune? How do I work through gain, joy, and pleasure? I feel like blessing after blessing has come to me in such rapid succession, in such unexpected ways, with such little effort, that something could be askew. That at any moment the bottom might (and should based on odds) fall out. I find myself asking: How can my life be so right right now? How long will this last?

My decision is to take every moment as it is.  The more time I spend questioning the circumstances of my life, good or bad, the less time I spend living and experiencing life with all of my being. And most importantly, the more time I spend questioning my circumstances, the less time I spend using my circumstances to fullfull my purpose. Even if a mudslide of misfortune overtook my life right now, I would have to recognize the various uses for mud, how to transform it from JUST MUD  to MY PIECE OF THE EARTH.

I believe fear of good fortune or blessings is a fear of the responsibility that comes with that. If life gives me lemonade, it is my duty to put ice in it and pour glasses for all my neighbors so that those who are given lemons can have a customer base.

Rather than viewing my good fortune as: I've got it too easy - I must see my blessings and good fortune as a challenge. The better my fortune, the tougher my challenge, the more is expected from  me. It's a daunting thought considering just how blessed I am. But I must remember that in times of good fortune, I will never be given more than I can bear.

If I could conquer all human fears for all humans, I would want to - but fear would stop me.

The most elegant lightening bolts ripped through the sky as if God, in an angry frenzy, wanted to tear the firmament a sunder - beautiful even in his destruction.

Tomorrow I'll get on a plane and go to a place where there are no thunderstorms. So I am thankful that I got to see this display of weather today.

I'll miss hearing the soft purr of thunder way off in the distance, waiting for it to grow into a growl and make the walls tremble.

I'll miss the backdrop of silver clouds hanging over the land like velvet curtains being ripped apart revealing white electricity through narrow fissures that quickly close up again.

I've said several times that I'm obsessed with the sky. All that it contains and gives simultaneously - fire and water. It's kaleidoscopic shine with infinite hues.

So much brilliance and electricity in a split second . . . what does it take to spark humanity?

Quotes from Life’s Journey’s according to Mister Rogers

You’ll be the one to decide your next steps . . . and the next steps won’t all be easy – not by any means – but if they’re honest, they’ll be worth the try. Any real work has it’s tough times . . .

May you seek out your own continuing life education and, over time, over your whole lifetime, may you grow in faith and reverence, uprightness in morals, knowledge of language and arts, forgiveness, honesty, commitment, maturity, and your capacity to love.

Sometimes it takes years and years of experimentation to realize who we can be . . . what we can make of what has come to us. No one would have ever predicted that Mahatma Gandhi would become the person to dramatically change the life of people in India. He even went to England when he was young to explore whether it might be better to be an Englishman. But look how he put it all together later on.

Maybe it’s happened to you already when you can actually integrate what you’ve learned with your personality – when you can actually use your education to be who you want to be, to choose out of the mixed bag of explorations what you want to call yourself. That’s when your education adds an extra measure of excitement!

Dear ---,

            I know exactly how you’re feeling. I just happened to be reading this Mister Rogers book over the weekend, and these quotes made me think of you. Remember that though we all may give you advice and tell you what decision we think you should make, only you have to live every day with the full extent of the consequences of your decisions – not those who gave you the advice. You have to do the work, not us, so the decision you make should be your honest choice.

            I’ll compare life to a basketball game for you. Do you have to be 100% certain your going to make a shot before you take it? You might be a little off, someone might even block your shot, but if you never take shots for fear of missing, you’ll never score. If you miss the shot, do walk off the court and say the game is over? Or do you hustle up for the rebound? If you don’t get the rebound do you walk off the court? Or do you get back on defense? Bottom line, whether you make the shot or not, you’re going to have to hustle the entire game if you want to win. Missing a few shots in the first quarter, or being down at the half, doesn’t mean you won’t come out on top at the end of the game. So decide now - pull up for the jumper, make a pass and get the assist, drive through the middle for the lay up . . . but you have to decide because the game is in play. You may even need a timeout to get your strategy together. But you can’t win unless you play!

 

Your sis in Christ,

Sarah L. Webb

I finally recognized one of the major sources of my trouble - my "if only" attitude. This attitude has a lot to do with being unsatisfied, I suppose, with the way my life currently is. It's that, "the grass looks greener" perspective. What I feel during my "if only" moments can be confused with motivation. On the surface they look very similar. After all, I say things like, "If only I could start a successful freelance business" or "If only I had enough money to send these at risk youth to college." I want and need to always be motivated to help others, to fulfill my purpose, etc. So, how can I distinguish between motivation and mere discontent, or my "if only's"? What can I do to bring balance and perspective to my feelings of not being good enough (as described by a test on Tickle.com) or my worry that I'm not doing enough? There could be a number of answers, but here's where I plan to start:

1) Reminding my self that while I'm longing for a better life (or someone else's life) there are billions of people who are wishing for or would like to have my life, or one similar to mine. The bottom line is, no matter what's wrong or missing, my life is actually quite good. No matter what I never do, I have done a lot. No matter how cheated I feel, I've had tons of breaks. The list goes on.

2) Stop saying "if only" to the past. A huge part of my problem, and one that clearly is NOT motivation, is that I regret the past and think that things would be better "if only I had said ... to so and so" or "If only I had not ... then I would have what I wanted" etc. The truth is, if I'm discontent with my life because of things that occurred in the past, that's not the discontentment that leads to motivation. However, if I'm not satisfied with the PRESENT, then I can TAKE ACTION to change the present and affect the FUTURE. That's motivation.

 
3) Turning my wishes into goals. Wishing and hoping is a waste of time unless I take action to make it happen. So often I daydream about what my life could be like, without planning a course to get me there. That's the biggest difference between mere discontent and motivation.